


Run With Me

by TardisTexan



Series: The Twelfth Doctor and his Wife [2]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-22
Updated: 2014-02-22
Packaged: 2018-01-13 08:45:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1219918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TardisTexan/pseuds/TardisTexan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Twelfth Doctor has saved River from the Library, but there is that little issue of the Data Ghost that has to be dealt with before they can move forward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Run With Me

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place right after _I'm Here to Catch You Now_ where Twelve saves River from the Library. It got to bothering me that I couldn't save River from the Library and have her move on with Twelve without dealing with the data ghost. Ghost River was very important to the Doctor, you can't just delete her. And if you want to believe that Tasha was River, then I think you have to keep the data ghost in the core so Tasha and the Church happens. See _Watching Over the Peace_ for my theory of how River becomes Tasha.

The Doctor and River were laying in bed. She was happily curled up beside him, her hands exploring his new body. Her fingers were running through the hair on his chest when she suddenly sat up, a look of panic on her face.

“Doctor, we have to go back to the Library. My diary is there, and I want my screwdriver back.”

“Yes, we should go back and get your diary. I know how important it is to you,” the Doctor said, sitting up. “But the screwdriver has served it's purpose, I don't know...”

“Purpose?” River asked, looking at him. “Oh god, the neural transmitter. I found it of course, but I didn't realize.... oh no, you didn't! Please tell me you didn't.”

The Doctor cursed himself and sighed. “I was hoping to spend a few more hours in bed with you before we had this conversation. And yes we need to have it, but not yet.” He looked in her eyes, concerned. “River, how long has it been since you slept? You were in the Library, dealing with a very young me and the Vashta Nerata. You lost all your friends. Then your newly regenerated husband shows up and gives you another shock. I am sure that you have had quite a draining day.”

“I'm fine. Did you really...”

“River, I have a very long story to tell you. A very long emotional story. I know you are more than human, but I can't put that on you after the day you have had. You need to rest. Just trust me, damn it, and rest first.” The last line came out a bit more angry than he intended. “ I know you hate it, but will you let me help you sleep? You already have a lot to think about and now you are worrying about the upload to the data core. Please let me help you rest and we will talk when you wake up.”

River sat with her arms crossed and started to open her mouth, but he gave her a very angry look and she shut her mouth again. Wow, but this Doctor was stern. And apparently he wasn't going to give in to her from the look on his face. She didn't want to admit it, but he did have a point. She hadn't even grieved for her crew, for her friends yet. She hadn't even gotten over a Doctor that didn't know her yet. That had hurt, desperately hurt. And now this new man was in bed with her and her skinny clumsy Doctor was gone.

“Okay, maybe you are right. But I don't want you to help me more than just staying. Will you stay for a bit?”

The Doctor nodded and they laid back down. River started to tell him about the crew that had accompanied her to the Library. He had met them of course, but she told him how she felt about each of them, about the people they had left at home. River talked and the Doctor rubbed his hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her, trying to lull her to sleep. Eventually it worked and she fell asleep in his arms. For several hours, he just watched her and listened to her breathe. Each breath was a miracle. His beautiful wife was alive and in his arms. He knew the story he had to tell her would hurt her, but he hoped it would be their way forward, their way to an eternity together.

After a while, he got up and dressed, but he didn't leave her alone for more than a few minutes at a time. River slept for 14 hours, the Doctor watching over her. 

When she woke up, he was sitting in a chair near the bed. He got up and got her robe from the wardrobe. He handed it to her and said, “Come on, let's go get some tea.”

River waited patiently in one of the kitchen chairs while the Doctor made tea. She had questions and was just about to start asking them when the Doctor said, “I went to Trenzalore.”

River gasped. “What? You can't go there, not ever!”

The Doctor turned around and sat the tea on the table. “Twice.”

River looked at him with wide eyes and was totally speechless. 

“Well, I guess I should start at The Library. As you have guessed, I uploaded a copy of you from the neural transmitter to CAL. There is a copy of you there now, as we sit here. I know, I know,” he said, looking at her horrified face, “but I didn't know you then. Now I know that you would never be happy in there, stuck for eternity in a computer, but I was so desperate at the time. You saw me. I was desperate to save the woman who would obviously be my wife and there were no other options at the time. Do you understand?”

River nodded. She wasn't pleased, but she sort of understood. “Well, we can go back and delete her now. She'll only have been there a few minutes if we do things right.”

“No. I'm not going to do it,” he said, his eyes dark and stormy.

River's eyes narrowed, but then she took a sip of her tea and tried to calm down, remembering how he had started the conversation. “So this has something to do with Trenzalore?”

The Doctor told her about how after he took her to Darillium, he was broken. He sat on a cloud for centuries, unable to even move for years at a time. “But while I was broken, you were busy.”

He told her about how she had developed the conference call technology and reached out to everyone she could and how she started communicating with Vastra. “Now, River, you are going to be unhappy at this next part. I hate myself for it. But please try to be patient and listen and understand.” River was afraid at his words, but she nodded so he continued. 

“You started communicating with me. You connected with the TARDIS and right back into my life you came. I saw you everywhere. Every room in the TARDIS I went to, you were there, pleading with me to talk to you. Eventually you assumed I couldn't hear you so you....”

“Wait,” River interrupted, “you ignored me?”

The Doctor sighed, “I thought you were a figment of my imagination. My wife was dead, I was alone, so of course I thought I was mad. I thought it would hurt too much to talk to you, to have my wife back and then have her not be real. It was awful. It hurt so much, but I was too scared to talk to you. However, I couldn't help but listen to you. Having you there helped me even though I didn't want to listen. You helped me get up and move forward.”

He told her about Clara and the mystery of Clara and how he probably would have never even left the TARDIS to find Clara if River hadn't encouraged him to do so. He told her about his adventures with Clara and how River went along on every one.

River was sad, desperately holding back tears. She can't imagine being there, yelling at the Doctor to listen to her and him not responding. She must have been so heartbroken.

He told her about his first trip to Trenzalore. “And when I found out you were real, that I had been ignoring you the whole time..... “ Tears escaped the Doctor's eyes and River took his hands in hers. He put his forehead to their hands and cried.

“But I still did an incredibly stupid thing,” he said, his head still bowed. "Instead of inviting you in and being happy to have you however I could, I sent you away. I thought I had to stop causing you pain. I knew you were miserable in the data core, miserable around me. I let you go. I told you that you should fade away.”

“You did what????” River rolled her eyes at him. “I assume that I didn't listen, did I?”

The Doctor laughed and wiped his eyes. “No, of course you didn't. But you were rightly pissed at me and you channeled that anger into something amazing.”

Then he told her what he had learned from Tasha Lem. That River and the others had started the Church of the Papal Mainframe. River's jaw dropped. She started at the Doctor in open shock.

“Me? I started the Church? I started the Church that made Kavorian what she was?”

“I know,” he said softly. “But the Kavorian sect broke away from the Church very early. You had no part in her schemes or her ideas. Yes, you were aware and had to watch as it happened, but could do nothing to stop it. I'm so sorry, Love.”

River shook her head, “I just don't understand at all.”

The Doctor went on. He told her Tasha's story as he knew it, how she took a body and led the Church, and how they watched out for him. “River, you are never going to believe what 'Silence will fall' really means. We'll come back to the story about the Time Lords, but just know for now that Gallifrey wasn't destroyed in the Time War. Did you know about that?”

“I had a suspicion, but no evidence to back it up.”

The Doctor nodded, River always knew. He told her about Trenzalore the second time. He explained why she, River Song/ Tasha Lem had decreed that silence would fall, that he would not say his own name. He told her about how she helped him and watched over him and kept the peace. How they lived together for years on the small planet. He told her how Tasha's body was destroyed by the Daleks, how she had brought Clara to him, and how he regenerated. “Even in the end, you didn't want me to be alone. So you went and got Clara.”

River was openly crying, moved by his tale. “So, is Tasha dead?”

“I'm sure her body is. But here is where I am unsure. If you would have thought I was going to die, you may have let yourself die with Tasha. But if you saw that I was regenerating...”

“I would have reuploaded myself to the mainframe, to make sure I could continue to watch over you.”

He nodded. “That's what I suspect. You are a very determined woman, Love, especially when it comes to me.”

River thought for a long while, going over his whole story. “But Sweetie, if all of that happened, then why come back from me now? You moved on and I'm not the woman that you were with on Trenzalore.”

“Oh, but yes you are. And damnit, River, I am a selfish old man. What happened in that Library was wrong, totally wrong. I had devised 236 different ways I could save you. I should have went back and saved you way before this, but my previous incarnation just didn't think he could do it. He was afraid at first of rewriting your history. He knew he couldn't do that. And then after Manhattan and Darillium, he couldn't function. Then at Trenzalore and he found out you were still there and he realized how long he had left you there. He didn't think he could handle the pain of sitting here and telling you all of this. He didn't think he could live with allowing all of that other stuff to happen and have you, an alive River, know it and want to still be with him. But I don't care. I can deal with the pain. I feel it acutely, but I'm not afraid of it. I want my wife with me. I love you and hope you will forgive me. I know if you forgive me, we can move forward.”

River reached up and ran her fingers lightly across his face. “Always and completely forgiven, remember? But, yes, it may take me some time to come to terms with this. And we need to go see if Tasha is still in the mainframe and deal with that. I can't promise it will be easy, but yes, I love you and forgive you.”

The Doctor let out the sob he had been holding in and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her close, breathing in her scent. “You have no idea how much I missed you. Even though you were there, I needed this. I needed my wife so we could..... live. Death has been hanging over me since Darillium. I don't want death. I want us to live.” He pulled back to look at her, “Tasha was you. She was, but it wasn't the same. She was changed from this woman you are now. I saw glimpses of you, my sweet River, and I loved her, but you, you are my wife. And I know it's not fair to you. I get to have you back, alive and vibrant, but Mister Bow Tie is gone and your husband is a bitter old man.”

“Will you still wear a bow tie for me, every once in a while?”

“Anything for you.”

River kissed her husband. She was ready to die for him no matter what his face looked like just a few hours ago, and that feeling had not changed. This was a lot, a whole lot to deal with, but they would make it through. Of that, she was certain.

 

\------- 

River showered and dressed and found him in the console room. “We are parked in the Library,” he said. “Your diary is right outside. I didn't want to go get it without you.”

She smiled at him and took his hand and they opened the door and went outside. Sunlight streamed into the room and she saw the blue of her diary on a rail at the bottom of the steps. They went down together and she saw that her things were placed just so. Like a place of honor in the Library. She picked them up and smiled up at the Doctor. He put a hand on her back and walked her back up the stairs. He turned and looked at the sunny room, the lightness in direct contrast to how he felt about this place. This place had become a tomb, and it still felt like one to him. He turned and went in to the TARDIS, vowing never to return again.

One more stop before they could get on with their life, he thought, and this one wouldn't be nearly as easy. The mothership of the Church of the Papal Mainframe. Was it going to be overrun with Daleks? Soliders? Clerics? He really didn't want to find out, but he didn't know where the mainframe room was. So he opted to land in Tasha's personal chamber and go from there.

River looked around the room, trying to link what she saw to her own personal tastes. “Is that an altar or a bed?” she asked.

The Doctor gave her a sideways grin. “Both, my dear.”

River laughed. “Well, it is _my_ church after all. How did you feel about that?”

“How do you think?” the Doctor growled, shoving his hands in his pockets so he wouldn't reach for her.

“I think you were probably supremely embarrassed by the shock of it all.”

The Doctor harrumped at her. At her pointed look he said, “Ok yes, maybe. But that's exactly why you did it!”

“Oh, I doubt that. I'm sure I had other plans for that altar.” River snickered. 

Oh Damn it felt good to have her back. “Okay, Okay, let's go find out if Tasha is here,” he said, taking her hand.

“I'm here,” Tasha said, materializing in front of them. 

It was the form of the Mother Superious that the data ghost took, the one the Doctor had spent 300 years with. She hesitated for a second, but then rushed into the Doctor's arms. “Oh, Doctor, it's true. You did regenerate. I.....” Tasha sobbed in his arms, her head on his shoulder.

“Shhhhh, Tasha, shhhh. It's okay. I'm okay.”

“I thought you were dying, and so I went and got Clara. And then I saw the light, the regeneration energy. I wanted to come to you but I didn't have any time left in that body, I had to come straight here and get into the mainframe or I would have been gone.”

“Shhhh, I know. I know.” He tipped her head back, kissed her forehand and looked into her face. “You were amazing. You fought against that Dalek for so long. You were so strong and so brave.”

Tasha straightened and looked at River, who was watching with a solemn expression on her face. “Doctor, how is she here? When are you?”

“Tasha,” he said quietly, “I went and got her from the Library. I stopped her from dying.”

“But how am I still here then?”

“I didn't stop the upload, I only stopped River's death.”

Tasha looked back and forth at the two of them. “How long after you left me did you go to her?”

The Doctor closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Tasha, don't think of it that way. Come here.” He sat down and pulled her into a chair next to him.

“Being with you, here on Trenzalore, together, linear, for 300 years made me realize that I didn't want to go on with life without my wife next to me. I thought my life was over, and I was ready to sleep. But the regeneration happened and I don't want to live it alone. I'm afraid you have spoiled me. I want my wife.”

“And I'm not her,” Tasha said, her chin lifting. When he started to protest, she shook her head, “No, I'm agreeing with you. I'm not the woman you married. I love you, but I'm not her.”

She stood and went to over to River. “You know, I really did not miss having to take care of that hair.” She reached out and touched a curl, “But he missed it. He missed it desperately.” The Doctor had the good manners to look embarrassed, but he didn't deny it. 

“Did he tell you? Did he tell you how I came to be?” Tasha asked.

River nodded. 

“And you forgive him?”

River nodded again. 

Tasha sighed, “So do I. Always and completely, right?. Why did you come here? I know why he's here, but why did you come? Were you curious?”

“Yes, of course I was. But I also know that I couldn't just abandon you. I know there were long times when you weren't happy Being trapped, being ignored,” she gave the Doctor a look. “but I couldn't move forward until I knew.....”

Tasha went over to the bed/altar and sat by herself. “The Church is finished.”

“No!” River and the Doctor said at the same time.

“Yes, yes it is,” Tasha answered. “We..I.. did a lot of good here. But everything has changed now. The Doctor survived Trenzalore, twice. The New Time War is averted, or at least delayed for centuries. The Church, and its mission as it was, is over. 

I was always on borrowed time. The ghost of River Song in the data core was never meant to be, never meant to stay around so long. But I did a lot of good. And I loved this man.” She looked at the Doctor, tears in both of their eyes. 

“River, are you going to stay with him now? Are you going to be with him, help him?”

“Yes,” she answered.

“The Doctor and River Song, linear? _You and me, time and space, you watch us run_.” Tasha smiled.

River went over to Tasha and sat down next to her. “Thank you,” River said. “Thank you for loving him, even when he was a stupid ass.” 

“Which is always,” Tasha said and the two women smiled. The Doctor crossed his arms and gave them a cross look.

Tasha reached out and touched River's hair again. “I loved when I was you. And I loved when I was Tasha. I mattered. But now it's time to go. Be with him, and be happy, but please remember me.”

Then Tasha spoke to River's mind. “He has memories you don't. He will be in a different place in your relationship than you will be. I could show you, but I don't want to give you the pain and the anger I carried for so long. And carry it like a torch I did, and I guess I still do. But may I show you what it was like to be Tasha? I'd like you to see and remember me.”

Tasha showed River the journey from being a small group in the data core to becoming the Church. She showed her the happiness she felt speaking in front of groups of people, of helping people, of the good works they did. She showed her how the Church grew and the fulfillment she got from it. She also showed her the Doctor and what had happened at Trenzalore. She spared River their intimate moments, but showed her the pieces that proved how much he missed River. She showed her how her Doctor had aged and lived a full life on Trenzalore with the people of Christmas. 

“See me, River. I am you. I am what you can accomplish if he abandons you again. The fact that he went to the Library and got you makes me see that this version of the Doctor will be different with his wife than the last one was, but he's still the Doctor. You have always had to be independent of him. You are amazing with him, but you are also amazing without him. Don't forget that, please. Be happy with him, but keep a little piece of your heart for yourself. It's dangerous to love the Doctor.”

The Doctor watched, nervously. He knew that this needed to happen, but it was also afraid. Tasha had carried so much anger against him, and rightly so. He hoped River wouldn't hold on to Tasha's anger. He would deserve it, but he was hoping for a miracle.

"Goodbye, Doctor. Treat her well." Tasha disappeared in River's arms. It was over. River took at deep breath and stood. River looked around the room, wanting to take a piece of her with them. The Doctor knew what she was looking for and went over to the desk and found a small box that he had carved for Tasha. River turned it in her hands, nodding. He put his hand on her back and led her back to the TARDIS.

The Doctor followed River back to their bedroom, but she stopped him at the door. “I need some time, Sweetie.” 

The Doctor looked into her eyes and brushed a curl away from her face with his fingers. “I'll be here,” he said and let her go in alone. 

He didn't see her for several days. He knew she was okay, because he monitored her movements from room to room on the scanner. She would be in their bedroom for a while, then she would go to the library, or the pool, or the garden. Sometimes she would walk the hallways, never getting close to the console room. Several times he had gone toward the hallway but the TARDIS had let him know that it wasn't time and he would turn back around. He could be patient. 

\------------

The TARDIS was parked on one of the moons of Saturn. He was sitting in the door, looking out at the large ringed planet. He felt her approaching, but he stayed where he was, afraid. River sat down next to him.

“Tasha warned me to keep a piece of my heart back from you, to protect myself. You hurt that version of me so much that I went from being willing to die to preserve every second of our timeline to warning myself against giving myself completely to you. Is that what happens if I go with you? We eventually hurt each other so much that we....”

“No.” he said, turning to her. “That is what happens when go without each other.” He put his hands on her face, cupping her face like he had so many times before. “I will always be running, River. But I promise you that I will never again be running from you. I will always be running beside you or toward you. Will you run with me? “

With tears in her eyes, she nodded. “Yes, yes of course I will.”

He crushed her lips his lips to hers, his arms going around her to pull her close. He kissed her hungrily, his whole being aching for her. The time for talking was over.


End file.
